Thoughts from this side of the Atlantic

As many of you know, last month was really difficult for me here. I always feel strange to admit that, when I look out my window at the splendor of the mountains, but it really was quite awful. I had conflicts with the Bouttier family and have been facing my own inner conflicts as well. Yesterday my real family left after being here one week, and I feel completely different. I really needed some familiarity, and now it is so clear to me how desperate I was to see the faces of people I love. We had a blast, and it was really fun to be with them here in my apartment.

Admist the loneliness and frustration of last month, I learned some of the hardest lessons about myself and how I relate with others. I have learned so much about patience and my need for more of it; the same is true of my need to always ask for grace. I’ve learned that keeping things to yourself turns your soul black, and that I have difficulty with vulnerability. That was the hardest lesson of all, but I think I needed it the most. I am learning how much I love the Church in all her glories and flaws, and that faith is choice that will some days be very difficult and other days the only thing that makes sense. I am learning a little French, but I still love Italian more. And every day I learn so much about gratitude for the chance to discover so much: about people, about the world, about myself. It’s not easy to be away from everyone I love, but it is always so clear that God wants me here right now, and that there’s a lot of growth happening through to my soul.

So that was kind of an intense beginning to my contribution, but it’s been an intense month. Here’s a few other thoughts:

Right now, my biggest concern is how to read the last 3 chapters of The Last Battle to Siri and Lilo tomorrow without bursting into tears because I always do at the end of the book. Can I add that I just love Narnia? Maybe everyone knew that…

It’s strange to live such an active lifestyle. I try to go ice skating whenever the girls want to go—about 3 times a week. I’m not very good; whose idea was it anyways to put knives on the bottom of your boots and go walk on frozen water? I go skiing occasionally; today I went to try a Latin dance course at the Palace of Sports (walked in, took one look around me, examined my confidence and walked out); not to mention, of course, that the incline here makes going to the bread store a workout. I think I went to Bennett five times all of last year. And I’m pretty sure I called the walk from Jenks to Hull St House a workout. But it’s also really good. There’s a lot of truth to that old cliché of “fresh mountain air” doing good for the soul. As many of you know I am also trying to quit adderall—with Sylvain as my personal chiropracter, it seems like the best time to do this; and the sports help me to feel more energetic through the withdrawal. Plus it’s just good to develop these healthy habits.

I really miss everyone. I know we are kinda spread across the globe right now, but I think of you all often. Many times I will look at my watch and think of someone headed to work or what you guys might be doing at that moment. Community is hard here. I don’t really understand French, and to be honest, I don’t understand British English much better. Thank you all for the letters, post cards, etc. they mean so much to me. Alright, I am going to go make masks with Lilo for their car Corn—a rather hilarious sight, I will post pictures. gotta run. sorry for the scattered ness of this post.

love from france
devron